it's always 2 am at Oscar's.

On a Saturday night I stopped into Tony's before getting on the train. I wanted to buy a shot of whiskey. I knew it cost $3. I didn't have any cash so I scanned my room for change and collected enough. I walked into a thick scene. I tried to sit at a stool but it was taken. A man, clearly a patron, asked if he could help me. It didn't seem like he was sincere. I stammered, "ah...uh...I...ah...just want..a shot of whiskey."

He pointed to my driver's license and said, "We don't take cards." As I began to explain that I intended to pay with a clumsy pack of coins, a woman, presumably his wife or girlfriend or, now that I think about it, his sister (or total stranger) began to pantomime smacks and blows behind him.

I moved to the other end of the bar where a regular asked me if I'd been served. I told him no and he in turn told the waitress that I wanted a shot of whiskey. He made small talk but I couldn't hear it. I explained, "I'm deaf in my left ear..."

He cut me off - "No need to explain, I am too." I was shocked.

"Really?"

"Yes, it's something that happened to me when I was very young." Bewildered and skeptical I told him I'd contracted meningitus as a child. "So did I." He noticed my meager currency and offered to trade me bills. When my shot came there was no option but to toast this stranger's kindness. His name was Luis and the whiskey (house) was brutal.

crookedlist: ghosts

TOP 5 CROOKED GHOSTS

5. mitzvah crookedmaus
we killed this mouse because she made us feel dumb and now, every night, her essence sits cross leggéd on the oatmeal, weeping and strumming a lyre made of nightmares.

4. chilly willy peen


3. 15th and Chestnut
I was on the 12th floor and needed to go to the 1st. I rang for the elevator and when it arrived it had an arrow pointing down. I stepped in alone and pressed 1. The elevator went up to the 14th floor, didn't open and then stopped on the 13th floor. The doors opened and no one got on.

2. the ghost on the stairs
One night I was walking up the crooked steps that lead to Cesar and I's rooms, when I was startled as though I had run into someone walking down. I didn't have the physical sensation of running into a person but was taken aback / shocked like I would have been if I had suddenly bumped into someone I hadn't seen coming down the stairs. I yelped.

1. Ziggy
As William Penn was the mastamind behind 9/11, Ziggy is the patron saint of Crooked. He only exists at 7 am and only appears to me, but Cesar and Nikki can hear him. He's not actually dead but he will be one day and for that we salute him. He built this weird house.

baby's first heels

red is teaching nikki how to walk in heels downstairs.

dawn of a new era

"...tequila-water."

agh

every time i fly into or out of philadelphia i end up on an american airlines death trip. bad news constantly over the PA and flights that are supposed to take 3 hours tops taking 8. 5 aren't even spent in the air, just on the god damn plane.

tonight it was this:

Jet Makes Crash Landing at Philadelphia International

we couldn't land becase the airport was shut down so we hightailed it to baltimore where i sampled the local tenders. no mouse by christmas.

time of the year

12/03

we wanna go to this party

niknak

crooked is a little lonely.

I'm holding down the fort while Matt and Nikki hang out with their families in Florida.
My sole companion this Thankgiving is little Mitzvah, who has been doing a good job of keeping me company, I must say. Now, I don't speak mouse, but I'm pretty sure she said "I love you."

Happy Thanksgiving yall.

brownie attempt #1

fall2008

 In honor of our first snow flurries EVER, I present you CROOKEDevidence of fall08. 

feliz día de la mujer colombiana

Un besote y un abrazo a todas las madres, hijas, hermanas, tías, primas, madrinas y comadres colombianas. Hoy celebramos su día oficial, aunque honestamente, los otros 364 no son menos causa de fiesta. De la ciudad de amor fraternal le mandamos cariño a todas nuestras reinas.

v-d-o

We like Philadelphia just fine, but we may be among the few. In this video, the Philadelphia Complaint Choir cheerfully airs some of its grievances in the SEPTA suburban station.

overheard@ CH

whispered: "we have over 50 beers in this house"

"This is a real drinkin' beer! - a golden seasonal ale that boasts both a European birthright and a thirst-quenching Philadelphia sensibility. Kenzinger is refreshingly crisp and smooth, with a spirited flavor that grabs the attention of taste buds everywhere! Get some!" - "Chilly" Willy Penn 

crookedmouse

let's name it mitzvah. 

we just wanna say one thing

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

victory

Today was the Phillies victory parade. The streets were insane, the trains were insane, people were tearing down barricades, making garbage and playing with it. It was like an end of days celebration.

hausguests: dorothy

10/15/2008

hausguests: mia

10/15/2008

go phillies

celebration time

VICTORY

about boners

hausguests: dave

10/15/2008

hausguests: simon

10/15/2008

philly top five: pizza

5. Fishtown Pizza
They tell us Fishtown is no good for pizza so this place should have been a dead giveaway for a dud. How/why was this pizza so bad? It was like the shit at Chuck E. Cheese, Discovery Zone even (overcheesed+not cooked long enough=fatal)

4. The Pizza Shop
Favorite line from a review: "The pizza is horrible, but that's to be expected of almost every place in Fishtown, and the guy in there is always grumpy, but that's not a big deal." Overheard at the Pizza Shop: "Why don't youse guyse stops complainin?" We get pizza from this place: sometimes its hot (tonight's xtra large 4 example was delish), sometimes its not (Nikki caught a funky bite).

3. Father and Son's
This place and The Pizza Shop are kind of interchangeable, the slice is "good" but not "mama mia!" We put it at #3 because the name makes us think of Turgenev eating a cheesesteak.

2. Lorenzo's
Big, crispy (yet floppy) slices of providence. The perfect slice to fold and chomp. They have a lot of rules posted everywhere about how to order, gotta respect a pizza with standards. This place is so good because it isn't in Fishtown, it's on South Street.

1. Slice
South Philly real deal, thin slices, notably well-seasoned sauce. Lorenzo's is great, but its still NYC style. Slice is all Philly.

hausguests: erika

10/15/2008

sorry florida,

but I am currently consuming the last solid thing that I will ingest all day. 

Go phillies! 

hausguests: dana

10/15/2008

slow week

Today was my first time going to Cousin's, our neighborhood supermarket. On 5th & Berks, Cousin's is a nice bike ride away, made lovelier by the fall morning weather.

I found some of the things I needed, including vegetable oil, wheat bread, and black beans, but no Nutella. As I made my way down the cleaning supplies aisle towards the register, I noticed something strange: a tiny bird hopping from one dish soap to another as if trying to decide between them. "Hi! What are you doing here?" and then it flew away to what I think may have been the cookie aisle. Rude ass bird.

What did you want with soap anyway? And why didn't you take me with you?

thud

It's not funny when Nikki slams her face into things.

overheard @ CH

"all of a sudden everybody loooooves vodka water"

"i'll have just-water"

never ending supply of group pix

prevomit

hall of frienship

CROOKEDHAUSBLOG continues, even though it seems a little futile since approximately 97% of our readership is currently@crooked. Whatever. I love you, 3%.

1492-2008

sad day in history

end of days

dark sun, armless padi and bizarro lifeforms.

night travel

waiting for the EL,
spot a needle on the tracks
funny fishtown poem

R.I.P september transpass

overheard @ CH

"Nikki! Talk to me about the titties in Top Gun" 

HAUSGUESTS,

as we hobbled around old city the ghostly specter of the second bank of the United States appeared to us. on google text we found the following electronic transmission: 

"i do not know what this is. neither do you. but on september 11, 2001 i have arranged an intricate conspiracy of massive scale and cosmology. lol" - email from benj franklin to "chilly" willy penn. 

no. 3, Spencer J Lafrandre. 9/27/08 

@CROOKEDtower. 

overheard@CH

"we're children to the same beastly mother" re:CROOKED+roofless.

bear necessities

das kitchin'

popquiz: who is in all three of these pictures?

#2

no. 2
solomon
9/20/2008

typology / 160oz

new york pizza is renowned for its crisp and crunch while chicago pizza is famously shitty.

it has been determined that the crux of philadelphia pizza is THE SAUCE.

and speaking of sauce, how many OZs does it take before one develops epidermic boils plump with Old English?

overheard @ CH

"when are we?"

this is what nikki looked like this "morning"

OUR NEIGHBORS

include a chain smoking alligator.

take this literally.

RIP

A building was murdered.
A building was murdered less than a mile away from our own.
A building was murdered less than a mile away from our own AND THAT SHIT IS SCARY.

September 13, 2008 -- Fire officials were on the scene of an apartment that collapsed Saturday afternoon.

The front of the 3-story apartment collapsed at around noon on Frankford Avenue in the Fishtown section of Philadelphia.

Authorities tell Action News, four of the units were occupied and more than half a dozen residents are displaced.

A construction company was demolishing the unoccupied part of the apartment building, however, the occupied section starting crumbling, too.

LOOK LOOK LOOK

affirmation

I AM A CHARACTER ON CHEERS

friday night

i was hustled out of five american dollars by a man who only minutes prior informed me that my fly was down.

pantyxparty

HAUSGUESTS wall,

no.1, andy and austin. 9/9/08

join the clubs bubs. 

FK VK

jobless city life
i spend my days in a haze
my nights in a rage

WEEKEND UPDATE

"Matt can only drink 32 oz out of his 40."  This is a lot of things.  True, first, but also shameful and embarrassing.  

frankford ave

this is us driving through our neighborhood for one last time in our trusty, if shaky bememoth of a budget truck. Frankford ave leads to other major streets such as girard and columbus. Along frankford there is the circle thrift, a coffee shop, a pizza place, beer store and bike shop and everything else our little over-caffinated lil lush like hearts would desire. Frankford ave, we love you.

overheard @ CH

"i've pooped more at bars than here" 

UNEMPLOYMENT

BEER

BEER

BEER

We've been celebrating our one week anniversary all week.

HAUSJAMS

WORSHIP

ST. MARTIN OF THE SHAKE